Labour unrest in the ranks

We’ve been having some labour unrest at our house lately.

One of our union locals is threatening to walk off the job, citing violations in the domestic collective agreement. The clause in question is the one that covers bathroom maintenance.

Our first indication of trouble came when a hand-made sign appeared on the bathroom door. It said – and I quote – Warning: this bathroom is quarantined due to repeat occurrences of TPRRS. Use at your own risk. There was a skull and crossbones drawn on the top of the note.

Curious as to the definition of TPRRS, I arranged a meeting with the individual I believed to be the author of the note. He cannot be named here as this would be a violation of his collective rights.

But he di reveal more about the outstanding issue. TPRRS is shorthand for “Toilet Paper Replacement Resistance Syndrome.” This means that the toilet paper roll is not being replaced when it runs out.

The union this individual represents is claiming that management and members of other unions in our house are actively practicing TPRRS. As a result, the burden of replacing the toilet paper roll is falling on his shoulders and his shoulders only.

The individual who can’t be named presented me with a copy of his collective agreement. It states – and I quote – All toilet paper replacement duties will be shared equally by management and all unions who make use of the bathroom.

The individual has filed a grievance and is working to rule. He will only replace the toilet paper one time in four as this is the formula identified in the collective agreement.

He has given management a period of time to consult with the other unions who also use the bathroom. If changes are not made, he will walk off the job.

As a member of management, I checked his collective agreement to be sure he is acting within his rights. He is. The agreement states – and I quote – if any clause in the collective agreement is broken, the membership has the right to strike.

I arranged a meeting with the two other unions in our house to discuss the situation. Toilet paper replacement is not stated in their collective agreements, but they have agreed to put more effort into this as a gesture of good will.

This concession is not without self interest. The other unions understand that the union that has filed the grievance is powerful. It handles the most of the cooking and when the smoke detector goes off by mistake, it is responsible for making the piercing alarm stop.

If this union withdraws services, management will have to take over cooking duties. This would not be good because when management cooks the smoke detector inevitably goes off. And management is too short to shut off the smoke detector.

So we’ve reached a deal. The toilet paper will be replaced “as and when” it runs out. The unions are happy. Management is happy. We all feel we’ve won.

Now, if management could just get someone to replace the bourbon when it runs out.

Freelance deal broker Gail Lethbridge is now in negotiations for leaf raking and removal. Visit her blog:http://giftedtypist.com